Ticket #3148: rounded.srt

1
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Kids,
Barney's mom had this blouse

2
00:00:03,230 --> 00:00:05,360
that she absolutely loved,

3
00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:07,030
<i>but then Robin won it</i>
<i>in a poker game,</i>

4
00:00:07,030 --> 00:00:09,200
<i>which led</i>
<i>to some slight awkwardness.</i>

5
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You won the battle...
but I'll win the war.

6
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Game on, bitch.

7
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<i>Please, Mom,</i>
<i>I need you to just be cool.</i>

8
00:00:18,460 --> 00:00:20,010
Okay, can you do that for me?

9
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For you, yes.

10
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And for Robin?

11
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She's gonna be

12
00:00:23,970 --> 00:00:25,920
your daughter in 33 hours.

13
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Daughter in <i>law.</i>

14
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Making it illegal

15
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for you not
to treat her like a daughter.

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In-lawyered.

17
00:00:32,470 --> 00:00:33,760
Please, Mom.

18
00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:36,530
All Robin wants to do is
put this whole thing behind her

19
00:00:36,530 --> 00:00:39,400
so she can get married and
put this whole thing behind her.

20
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Ah! Get-this-over-with-quickly
so-we-can

21
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move-past-how-awkward-it-was
that-I-just-said-that five!

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Fine. If Robin's ready
to bury the hatchet,

23
00:00:46,370 --> 00:00:49,040
then I guess
I'm ready to bury the hatchet.

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Morning, bitches.
Like my new blouse?

25
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Oh, hell, <i>no!</i>
No, Mom. Mom!

26
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Hey, hey, hey, hey!

27
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<font color=#00FF00>♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x08 ♪</font>
<font color=#00FFFF>The Lighthouse</font>
Original Air Date on November 4, 2013

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== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>

29
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<i>Kids, not far</i>
<i>from the Farhampton Inn,</i>

30
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<i>there's a lighthouse.</i>

31
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<i>It's a really special place,</i>

32
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<i>and that morning</i>
<i>I wanted to see it for myself.</i>

33
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<i>There was just one problem.</i>

34
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Look, I'm sorry, Ted, but-but

35
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I can't in good faith send
a lonely guy like yourself

36
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:23,820
to the top
of a very romantic,

37
00:01:23,820 --> 00:01:26,740
and more to the point,
a very tall lighthouse.

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I don't want your blood
on my hands,

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and I mean that literally,
because it would be my job to...

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to hose down the rocks.

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<i>Now, late the night before,</i>

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<i>thanks to Marshall's</i>
<i>travel companion, Daphne,</i>

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<i>Lily had received</i>
<i>some unsettling news.</i>

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I'm gonna be a judge.

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<i>Screwing up their</i>
<i>whole plan to move to Italy.</i>

46
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<i>She wasn't happy.</i>

47
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Yes, I'm in a rotten mood.

48
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No, I don't want
to talk about it.

49
00:01:52,220 --> 00:01:53,790
Yes, this has
booze in it.

50
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No, it's not
my first.

51
00:01:55,270 --> 00:01:57,640
You want to make this brunch
a drunch?

52
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You do you, I'm not gonna judge.

53
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I'm gonna be a judge.

54
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Judge.

55
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Thank you, Linus.

56
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<i>As for Marshall and Daphne,</i>

57
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<i>they got caught</i>
<i>in that big storm.</i>

58
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<i>Luckily, they had a place</i>
<i>to crash for the night.</i>

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<i>My childhood home.</i>

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<i>Okay, that sign</i>
<i>might not have been there.</i>

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00:02:19,250 --> 00:02:21,830
Thank you so much for letting
us stay the night, Mrs. Mosby.

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Oh, it's our pleasure.

63
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I'm just glad that storm has passed.
Oh.

64
00:02:25 --> 00:02:27,350
But there's one storm
that hasn't passed,

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isn't there, Marshall?

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Hey, Clint.

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You know what I'm talking
about, don't you, Marshall?

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I'm talking about the one
that's been raining

69
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,980
cats and dogs all over
this-this, this friendship.

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This isn't a friendship.

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Oh.

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Nice.

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We're reluctant
travel companions.

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Well, little known fact
about me.

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I'm an almost-graduate

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00:02:48,110 --> 00:02:51,190
of the Conflict Resolution
program over at... at Tri-C.

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I even had my own practice
at Van Aken Plaza

78
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:55,560
before the manager
of the Wendy's

79
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made me stop hogging the booth.

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The point is,
I can fix this.

81
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Oh, I don't know, Clint.

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♪ Gonna resolve some conflicts

83
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♪ Gonna resolve
some conflicts ♪

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♪ Gonna make
a deeper understanding ♪

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00:03:09,250 --> 00:03:10,800
♪ Through mediation.

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Okay, you know what?
We have to hit the road.

87
00:03:12,770 --> 00:03:16,250
But, um, Mrs. Mosby, do you
mind if I take this mug?

88
00:03:16,250 --> 00:03:17,940
I would very much like

89
00:03:17,940 --> 00:03:20,060
to make fun of Ted
next time I see him.

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Of course.

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00:03:21,260 --> 00:03:22,810
You know, when Ted was seven,

92
00:03:22,810 --> 00:03:25,560
he and his best friend
took this Wild West photo

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00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:26,860
together at Geauga Lake.

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00:03:26,860 --> 00:03:28,380
I could go look for it.

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00:03:28,380 --> 00:03:29,730
We really should get going.

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00:03:29,730 --> 00:03:30,930
His best friend was a balloon.

97
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What's a few more minutes?

98
00:03:32,070 --> 00:03:34,100
Yeah, you're gonna want that.

99
00:03:34,100 --> 00:03:36,570
So... what's everyone
doing this morning?

100
00:03:36,580 --> 00:03:39,110
Oh, well, I kind of feel
like playing some tennis.

101
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Maybe we should reserve a court.

102
00:03:40,580 --> 00:03:42,040
Court.

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00:03:44,420 --> 00:03:46,730
Thank you, Linus.

104
00:03:46,740 --> 00:03:48,750
Pancakes and eggs, Robin?

105
00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:51,950
I guess that blouse won't be
loose and flowy for long.

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00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:52,790
Mom...

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Keep talking, Loretta.

108
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I've been waiting
all morning to...

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ketchup.

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Oops.

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You're not supposed to put
ketchup on scrambled eggs.

112
00:04:03,150 --> 00:04:04,930
Right, Loretta, because

113
00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:07,470
you're the queen
of scrambled eggs.

114
00:04:07,470 --> 00:04:08,300
Actually, that's

115
00:04:08,310 --> 00:04:09,770
exactly what she is.

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When Mom was

117
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a groupie in the '70s,

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00:04:12,310 --> 00:04:15,740
her scrambled eggs made her the
darling of the MSG loading dock.

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Lot of songs written
about those scrambled eggs.

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ZZ Top's "She's Got Legs"?

121
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Originally "She's Got Eggs."

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Led Zeppelin?

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"Scramble On."

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Steve Miller?

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"The Yolker."

126
00:04:26,620 --> 00:04:28,840
If you listen to Pink Floyd's
<i>Dark Side of the Moon</i>

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00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:31,960
while eating her eggs,
it lines up perfectly.

128
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:35,430
While I'm sure it was
your mother's cooking skills

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00:04:35,430 --> 00:04:39,100
that made her so popular with
Zed Zed Top and their ilk,

130
00:04:39,100 --> 00:04:40,690
I know for a fact

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that she does not make
the best scrambled eggs.

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Because my mom makes
the best scrambled eggs.

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<i>Kids, we've known</i>
<i>your Aunt Robin</i>

134
00:04:50,350 --> 00:04:52,120
<i>for eight years at that point,</i>

135
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:54,280
<i>and here's what we knew</i>
<i>about her mom.</i>

136
00:04:54,290 --> 00:04:55,450
My mom is terrified
of flying.

137
00:04:57,070 --> 00:04:59,070
My mom got stung
by a jellyfish.

138
00:05:00,410 --> 00:05:01,910
My mom makes
the best scrambled eggs.

139
00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:05,230
<i>And... that's everything.</i>

140
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In fact, she should be here
any minute.

141
00:05:07,460 --> 00:05:08,630
Barney,

142
00:05:08,630 --> 00:05:10,530
maybe she can cook you
some real scrambled eggs

143
00:05:10,540 --> 00:05:12,370
so you can see what
you've been missing.

144
00:05:12,370 --> 00:05:14,550
Don't do this, Robin.
You can't win the egg war.

145
00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:16,390
Canadian scrambled eggs,
how quaint.

146
00:05:16,390 --> 00:05:18,540
Does your mom put maple syrup
on them?

147
00:05:18,540 --> 00:05:20,540
Ha, ha, ha,
this is all very friendly.

148
00:05:20,540 --> 00:05:21,880
Get out of this now.

149
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,650
Why not? We put maple syrup
on everything else.

150
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,400
Aw.

151
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,770
That's it!

152
00:05:29,770 --> 00:05:32,020
We need your omelet station.

153
00:05:32,020 --> 00:05:35,520
My son's fiancée is
about to get served...

154
00:05:35,530 --> 00:05:37,740
some delicious
scrambled eggs.

155
00:05:37,750 --> 00:05:41,030
Or I could go out to the
driveway and eat some gravel.

156
00:05:42,170 --> 00:05:44,530
Wait. Sorry.
Did you say gravel or gavel?

157
00:05:44,540 --> 00:05:45,870
Gravel. Why would
I say gavel?

158
00:05:45,870 --> 00:05:47,200
Gavel.

159
00:05:51,130 --> 00:05:52,260
Thank you, Linus.

160
00:05:52,260 --> 00:05:54,130
Curtis, can I please

161
00:05:54,130 --> 00:05:56,300
have a map to the lighthouse?

162
00:05:56,300 --> 00:05:58,210
It's a very romantic lighthouse.

163
00:05:58,220 --> 00:05:59,420
I can't even have a map?

164
00:05:59,420 --> 00:06:01,550
It's a very romantic map.

165
00:06:01,550 --> 00:06:03,390
I can't let you go
without a date.

166
00:06:03,390 --> 00:06:04,800
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

167
00:06:04,810 --> 00:06:07,310
What happened to that girl Cassie?
Cassie?

168
00:06:07,310 --> 00:06:09,060
<i>Cassie was the girl I'd spent</i>

169
00:06:09,060 --> 00:06:10,930
<i>the entire previous night</i>
<i>consoling.</i>

170
00:06:10,930 --> 00:06:14,150
<i>Just consoling.</i>

171
00:06:14,150 --> 00:06:15,060
Yeah, that's not happening.

172
00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:17,120
<i>And then, in her anger,</i>

173
00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:18,930
<i>Lily gave me a piece of advice</i>

174
00:06:18,940 --> 00:06:20,450
<i>about which</i>
<i>she would later say...</i>

175
00:06:20,460 --> 00:06:23,660
Oh, mama, that was
some bad advice.

176
00:06:23,660 --> 00:06:25,460
Okay, here's why
you're an idiot.

177
00:06:25,460 --> 00:06:27,660
Did you find
Cassie attractive?

178
00:06:27,660 --> 00:06:30,950
I guess. 
Is she a relatively normal height?

179
00:06:30,950 --> 00:06:33,950
Yeah.
So end up with her already.

180
00:06:33,950 --> 00:06:35,920
God, do you really think

181
00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:37,950
that you're gonna find
some perfect girl

182
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:41,220
who checks off every
item on your list?

183
00:06:41,230 --> 00:06:42,640
Well, not every item.

184
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:45,010
I mean, she doesn't have
to share my love for coins.

185
00:06:45,010 --> 00:06:47,400
Although it would
be nice, just once,

186
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,800
not to have to go stag
to Coin-Con.

187
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:53,240
Pull your head out
of your ass, Mosby.

188
00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:56,140
Do you think Marshall
always makes me happy?

189
00:06:56,140 --> 00:06:59,410
I mean, sometimes being
with him is a real trial.

190
00:06:59,410 --> 00:07:01,440
Real trial.

191
00:07:01,450 --> 00:07:02,460
Huh.

192
00:07:02,460 --> 00:07:04,250
Did it to myself that time.

193
00:07:04,250 --> 00:07:07,820
Look, Ted, it's
time to settle.

194
00:07:07,820 --> 00:07:09,950
Take this normal-sized chick
up to the lighthouse

195
00:07:09,950 --> 00:07:11,340
and fall in love with her

196
00:07:11,340 --> 00:07:15,040
and quit bothering us with
your dumb love life stuff.

197
00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:18,330
God, I am so sick of being
smarter than everyone else.

198
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:20,800
You're slipping, Linus.

199
00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:23,300
We're running
out of glasses.

200
00:07:29,310 --> 00:07:32,060
Do you want to just go
to the stupid lighthouse?

201
00:07:32,060 --> 00:07:34,110
Ooh, zitch dog.

202
00:07:34,110 --> 00:07:35,730
Cocker spaniel in the Jetta.

203
00:07:35,730 --> 00:07:37,950
That's Marshall
Eriksen-- 28,

204
00:07:37,950 --> 00:07:39,010
Daphne-- zero.

205
00:07:39,020 --> 00:07:40,820
For the 28th time,

206
00:07:40,820 --> 00:07:43,040
I'm not playing
your stupid game!

207
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:44,450
Oh, stupid, huh?

208
00:07:44,460 --> 00:07:45,520
That's great.

209
00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:47,540
I guess Daphne gets
to pick the music

210
00:07:47,540 --> 00:07:50,020
and crap all over
my fun road-trip games.

211
00:07:50,030 --> 00:07:52,300
You know, maybe
Clint was right.

212
00:07:52,300 --> 00:07:54,460
Maybe we do need
conflict resolution.

213
00:07:54,470 --> 00:07:55,660
I knew you guys
would come around.

214
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:01,940
<i>And so I made up my mind</i>
<i>to settle for Cassie.</i>

215
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:05
So, um, what kind
of music do you like?

216
00:08:05 --> 00:08:07,870
Hmm... nothing.

217
00:08:09,970 --> 00:08:11,720
<i>Still, I felt optimistic.</i>

218
00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:13,810
<i>After all,</i>
<i>Cassie was cute and single</i>

219
00:08:13,810 --> 00:08:16,310
<i>and heck, it's not like</i>
<i>the universe was telling us</i>

220
00:08:16,310 --> 00:08:17,710
<i>we shouldn't be together.</i>

221
00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:25,320
Here we are. Enjoy.

222
00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:26,720
Remember: happy wife,
happy life.

223
00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:28,020
Pretend
they're just okay.

224
00:08:28,020 --> 00:08:31,270
Please, Lily,
I think I can manage to...

225
00:08:32,190 --> 00:08:34,160
Oh, my God.

226
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:35,360
I'm eight years
old again,

227
00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:36,710
and life is perfect,

228
00:08:36,710 --> 00:08:39,150
and I haven't peed my shorts
in front of 350 Webelos

229
00:08:39,150 --> 00:08:41,880
at the Pinewood Derby Regionals
in Wheeling, West Virginia.

230
00:08:41,890 --> 00:08:43,050
I'm sorry, Robin.

231
00:08:43,050 --> 00:08:44,390
What do you think, Lily?

232
00:08:44,390 --> 00:08:47,040
Oh, my God,
they are so delicious.

233
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:49,410
Even more delicious than
finding out Barney peed himself

234
00:08:49,410 --> 00:08:52,290
at the Pinewood Derby Regionals
in Wheeling, West Virginia.

235
00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:53,850
I'm sorry, Robin.

236
00:08:53,850 --> 00:08:54,760
Mmm.
Come on,

237
00:08:54,770 --> 00:08:55,850
they can't be
that good.

238
00:08:55,850 --> 00:08:57,630
Oh!

239
00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,550
Excuse me, Mrs. Stinson,
some of our guests

240
00:08:59,550 --> 00:09:01,250
smelled your scrambled eggs
and were wondering

241
00:09:01,260 --> 00:09:03,520
if you could make some
for them as well.

242
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,090
Oh, I don't think I should...

243
00:09:05,090 --> 00:09:08,360
Eggs! Eggs! Eggs!
Eggs! Eggs! Eggs!

244
00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:09,810
Eggs! Eggs!

245
00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:11,280
Clint, what are
you doing here?

246
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:14,070
What the Ohio State Board of
Holistic Medicine has repeatedly

247
00:09:14,070 --> 00:09:17,290
told me I'm in no way qualified
to do: my job.

248
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:20,440
When I see a conflict
needs resolving, I must act.

249
00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:22,380
Plus, Ted's mom wanted me out
of the house.

250
00:09:22,380 --> 00:09:24,710
So, today, we're gonna build
a new paradigm

251
00:09:24,710 --> 00:09:26,240
of understanding,

252
00:09:26,250 --> 00:09:29,050
and then you're gonna swoop me
on back to Shaker Heights.

253
00:09:29,050 --> 00:09:30,080
Oh, I need to stop

254
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:31,550
at Record Rev on Coventry.

255
00:09:31,550 --> 00:09:32,840
My vaporizer's ready.

256
00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:34,500
Marshall, pull over
and dump this hippie

257
00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:35,920
on the side of the road.

258
00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:37,120
I can't do that.

259
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:38,890
♪ Gonna resolve
some conflicts ♪

260
00:09:38,890 --> 00:09:40,560
♪ Gonna resolve some conflicts

261
00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:41,960
Daphne picks the music.

262
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:43,300
♪ Gonna end this argument

263
00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:45,010
♪ Between Marshall
and his mistress. ♪

264
00:09:45,020 --> 00:09:46,900
Oh, come on.
Daphne picks the music!

265
00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:49,740
Ow! Stupid racecar!

266
00:09:49,740 --> 00:09:51,900
This is why children
should not have toys!

267
00:09:51,910 --> 00:09:53,910
Look, maybe this lighthouse
thing isn't such a good idea.

268
00:09:53,910 --> 00:09:55,070
No, you don't.

269
00:09:55,580 --> 00:09:56,810
You committed,

270
00:09:56,810 --> 00:09:58,940
and so did I, so let's go.

271
00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:01,910
Oh. Ow! Oh!

272
00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:03,780
Actually, it's feeling better.

273
00:10:03,780 --> 00:10:05,280
Ow! Oh! No, it's not.

274
00:10:05,290 --> 00:10:07,290
Oh.

275
00:10:07,290 --> 00:10:09,090
Mom, I don't know
why your phone is off.

276
00:10:09,090 --> 00:10:11,290
Maybe you left your charger
in the pickup truck.

277
00:10:12,540 --> 00:10:14,340
But I need you to get here
as fast  possible.

278
00:10:14,340 --> 00:10:15,430
I know
you're probably gonna want

279
00:10:15,430 --> 00:10:16,830
to take a hot bath
when you get in.

280
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:18,760
She fits in a bathtub.

281
00:10:18,770 --> 00:10:20,680
That's good news. Unless...

282
00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:22,700
Oh, God, how big are
Canadian bathtubs?

283
00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:24,850
People ever line up

284
00:10:24,860 --> 00:10:26,100
like this for your mom's eggs?

285
00:10:26,110 --> 00:10:30,190
Loretta, even <i>I</i> could make
better eggs than this.

286
00:10:30,190 --> 00:10:31,940
Oh, I'd love it
if you'd come teach me

287
00:10:31,950 --> 00:10:33,140
how to make scrambled eggs.

288
00:10:33,150 --> 00:10:34,950
It's a scramble-off,
everybody!

289
00:10:34,950 --> 00:10:37,030
A scramble-off
to the death!

290
00:10:37,030 --> 00:10:39,320
Someone go watch
for the cops!

291
00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:41,400
Maybe we should have read up
on this town

292
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,540
before booking our wedding.

293
00:10:43,540 --> 00:10:46,460
Let's do some,
"When you... I feel."

294
00:10:46,460 --> 00:10:47,860
All right, for example,

295
00:10:47,860 --> 00:10:51,160
when you don't
do trust falls,

296
00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:55,220
I feel like you
should do trust falls.

297
00:10:55,220 --> 00:10:57,840
So just do the
damn trust falls.

298
00:10:57,840 --> 00:10:58,870
I'm driving a car, Clint.

299
00:10:58,870 --> 00:11:00,310
Okay,

300
00:11:00,310 --> 00:11:03,180
uh, Daphne, when you say
"Drill, baby, drill"

301
00:11:03,180 --> 00:11:06,060
every time
that we pass a gas station,

302
00:11:06,060 --> 00:11:08,010
I feel invalidated.

303
00:11:08,020 --> 00:11:10,520
Marshall, when you talk,
I feel shut up!

304
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:12,380
That's very good, both of you.

305
00:11:12,390 --> 00:11:14,240
Really? Both of us?

306
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,440
Name one energy
that's better than oil.

307
00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:17,990
Wind, solar, hydroelectric.

308
00:11:17,990 --> 00:11:19,580
You see what I've been dealing
with, Clint?

309
00:11:19,580 --> 00:11:21,860
♪ The sticky petroleum
clings... ♪

310
00:11:21,860 --> 00:11:23,030
Please not now, Clint.

311
00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:25,730
♪ To the pelican's
broken wings ♪

312
00:11:25,730 --> 00:11:29,670
♪ Hey, Mr. Oilman,
what have you done... ♪

313
00:11:29,670 --> 00:11:31,570
Stop, stop, stop, please.
Enough! Clint,

314
00:11:31,570 --> 00:11:33,370
I'm tired of your beard
and I'm tired

315
00:11:33,370 --> 00:11:35,540
of this stupid therapy session.
And I'm tired

316
00:11:35,540 --> 00:11:39,080
of the way that your songs have
a-a laxative effect on Marvin!

317
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:41,080
And on me. Every time
Clint starts singing,

318
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:42,850
I just got to go.
Yeah.

319
00:11:42,850 --> 00:11:46,750
It's like, uh, the only
trust fall when you sing

320
00:11:46,750 --> 00:11:50,720
is that I "trust"
that a piece of poop

321
00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:54,280
is gonna "fall" out
of my son's butt.

322
00:11:55,780 --> 00:11:58,060
Hey, Clint, how about that?

323
00:11:58,060 --> 00:11:59,730
You got us to agree on something.
Yeah.

324
00:11:59,730 --> 00:12:02,650
We both think you're a loser.

325
00:12:02,650 --> 00:12:04,770
This therapy works.

326
00:12:04,770 --> 00:12:06,160
No!

327
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,120
That is not the way
therapy works at all!

328
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:10,110
Do you think this is
some kind of a joke?!

329
00:12:10,110 --> 00:12:11,740
This is my career!

330
00:12:11,750 --> 00:12:14,660
I will not go back to
coaching the Browns!

331
00:12:14,660 --> 00:12:15,660
Why can't people take

332
00:12:15,670 --> 00:12:17,080
what I do seriously?!

333
00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:20,080
God!

334
00:12:22,460 --> 00:12:24,720
Oh, my God. One more.

335
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:27,890
Oh, my God. Okay. Oh, my God.

336
00:12:30,310 --> 00:12:33,650
God, that was a lot of stairs.
I'm exhausted.

337
00:12:33,650 --> 00:12:35,630
My chest is on fire.

338
00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:36,990
Oh.

339
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:41,070
Ooh! So, Mr. Arch-itect,

340
00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:42,820
what do we do now?

341
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:45,410
Fall in love or something?

342
00:12:45,410 --> 00:12:47,500
<i>And, kids, as I stood</i>
<i>on that lighthouse</i>

343
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,820
<i>and looked at that girl, I felt</i>
<i>something happen inside me,</i>

344
00:12:50,820 --> 00:12:53,340
<i>something that had only</i>
<i>happened one other time</i>

345
00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:55,250
<i>in my entire adult life.</i>

346
00:12:57,340 --> 00:12:59,040
<i>Okay, scrambled eggs.</i>

347
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:00,840
Here we go.

348
00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:03,140
Where is the egg opener?

349
00:13:04,510 --> 00:13:07,330
Never mind. I'll pre-scramble
them. It's fine.

350
00:13:08,380 --> 00:13:11
Okay, fine, Loretta.
You know what? You win.

351
00:13:11 --> 00:13:11,840
I don't
know how

352
00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,010
to cook egg.

353
00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:15,940
If you don't even know how
to make scrambled eggs,

354
00:13:15,940 --> 00:13:17,340
I just worry what
kind of breakfast

355
00:13:17,340 --> 00:13:19,980
you're gonna be serving
my grandchildren.

356
00:13:19,980 --> 00:13:21,780
Well, lucky you

357
00:13:21,780 --> 00:13:25,230
because that is one thing you
won't ever have to worry about.

358
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:36,460
Mom, Robin
can't have kids.

359
00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:42,890
Every single job I take on,
it's always the same!

360
00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:45,470
"The coffee maker has to stay
in the office, Clint!"

361
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:49,480
"You still have to wear pants
on Casual Friday, Clint!"

362
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:50,310
"We didn't

363
00:13:50,310 --> 00:13:51,560
hire you, Clint!"

364
00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:52,960
Well, God,
I'm-I'm...

365
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:54,460
I'm just sick of it. I'm si...

366
00:13:54,470 --> 00:13:57,800
Ow. Ow. Oh, I can hear
my blood right now.

367
00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,940
I'm having an attack.
I'm having a blood attack.

368
00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:01,100
A blood attack?

369
00:14:01,110 --> 00:14:02,440
Yeah. Pull over. I need...
I-I need to meditate.

370
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:05,240
I got to get my heart rate down.
I'll... Ow! Pull over.

371
00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:07,410
We're in the middle of nowhere.
Pull over!

372
00:14:07,410 --> 00:14:10,280
Zitch dog, Labradoodle
in a Ford Fusion! Ow!

373
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:11,780
God...

374
00:14:11,780 --> 00:14:13,920
Robin can't have kids?

375
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:15,620
But you always wanted children.

376
00:14:15,620 --> 00:14:17,560
No, I always <i>liked</i> children.

377
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:21,220
I've always <i>wanted</i> a Lamborghini
where there's a hot tub inside.

378
00:14:21,230 --> 00:14:23,380
God, I wish that existed.

379
00:14:23,380 --> 00:14:25,260
So no grandkids.

380
00:14:26,050 --> 00:14:27,430
How long have you known
about this?

381
00:14:27,430 --> 00:14:29,470
I found out last fall.

382
00:14:29,470 --> 00:14:31,640
<i>Robin and I had been</i>
<i>hanging out downtown</i>

383
00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:34,320
<i>at this very cool secret bar.</i>

384
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:37,610
What a lovely place!

385
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:39,730
Have you ever had
sushi that fresh?

386
00:14:39,730 --> 00:14:42,450
Okay, I am never getting
on a mechanical bull again.

387
00:14:43,620 --> 00:14:46,530
I can't believe Marshall
and Lily missed out.

388
00:14:46,540 --> 00:14:49,070
Promise me,
if you ever have kids,

389
00:14:49,070 --> 00:14:51,040
you'll sometimes get
a babysitter

390
00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:52,860
and come have an epic night.

391
00:14:52,860 --> 00:14:56,490
Oh, and, P.S., bring the
babysitter, she sounds dirty.

392
00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:58,530
Actually, I, uh,
I can't have kids,

393
00:14:58,530 --> 00:15:00,080
so that's not an issue.

394
00:15:01,250 --> 00:15:02,530
Really?

395
00:15:02,540 --> 00:15:03,870
Yeah.

396
00:15:12,590 --> 00:15:15,150
Is it weird
that I'm hugging you like this?

397
00:15:16 --> 00:15:19,400
No, it's not weird.

398
00:15:22,970 --> 00:15:26,220
Now it's weird. Mm-hmm.
Yep, the rain makes it weird.

399
00:15:26,220 --> 00:15:29,610
Mom, I'm not marrying
some future possibility

400
00:15:29,610 --> 00:15:31,230
of starting a family.

401
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:33,500
I'm marrying a girl.

402
00:15:34,420 --> 00:15:37,170
Who means more to me than kids.

403
00:15:37,790 --> 00:15:39,420
Or my career.

404
00:15:39,420 --> 00:15:42,290
Or even the Lambor-cuzzi,
patent pending.

405
00:15:43,260 --> 00:15:45,510
So please...

406
00:15:46,340 --> 00:15:47,630
...be nice to her?

407
00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:52,670
<i>This is ridiculous.</i>

408
00:15:52,670 --> 00:15:54,200
Get out there
and drag Clint's

409
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,300
downward-facing ass back in here
so we can get going.

410
00:15:57,310 --> 00:15:59,890
Just let him do his thing.

411
00:16:01,930 --> 00:16:03,930
Do you know why
the Daphnes of the world

412
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,530
always get to pick the music

413
00:16:05,530 --> 00:16:07,820
and the Marshalls pay
all the tolls?

414
00:16:07,820 --> 00:16:08,820
Because
the Marshalls

415
00:16:08,820 --> 00:16:10,620
are so concerned

416
00:16:10,620 --> 00:16:12,700
with letting everybody
do their thing,

417
00:16:12,700 --> 00:16:15,940
and the Daphnes
are taking care of Daphne.

418
00:16:15,940 --> 00:16:19,710
You can talk to me about solar
or wind or hydro-whatever,

419
00:16:19,710 --> 00:16:22,450
but the world is always gonna
push you around, Marshall.

420
00:16:22,450 --> 00:16:25,050
Until you learn
to go nuclear.

421
00:16:30,310 --> 00:16:31,950
What are you doing?

422
00:16:34,180 --> 00:16:35,840
Is this real?

423
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,230
Are you doing this?

424
00:16:38,510 --> 00:16:39,850
We need some driving music.

425
00:16:39,850 --> 00:16:40,350
No!

426
00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:48,070
You threw a live grenade
into my marriage.

427
00:16:48,810 --> 00:16:51,660
You screwed up my whole world.

428
00:16:51,660 --> 00:16:54,740
So from now on...

429
00:16:54,750 --> 00:16:57,650
we listen to my music.

430
00:16:58,620 --> 00:17:02,150
♪ But I would walk 500 miles

431
00:17:02,150 --> 00:17:04,490
♪ And I would walk 500 more...

432
00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:06,260
I hate this song.

433
00:17:06,260 --> 00:17:07,710
Give it time.

434
00:17:09,830 --> 00:17:13,350
Zitch dog, beagle
in a Beetle.

435
00:17:13,350 --> 00:17:15,880
Don't let Loretta
get to you.

436
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:19,190
Hey, when your mom gets here,
do you want to all go--

437
00:17:19,190 --> 00:17:22,860
I don't know--
avoid jellyfish?

438
00:17:22,860 --> 00:17:23,720
She's not coming.

439
00:17:23,730 --> 00:17:25,280
What?

440
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:26,980
I finally got a hold of her.

441
00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:29,010
She, um, never got on the plane.

442
00:17:29,010 --> 00:17:30,560
She was too scared.

443
00:17:31,620 --> 00:17:33,150
She won't be
at her daughter's wedding.

444
00:17:40,290 --> 00:17:42,460
If that is the case...

445
00:17:42,460 --> 00:17:45,910
can we tell Barney
she's super fat?

446
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:48,080
It would mean the world to me.

447
00:17:49,250 --> 00:17:50,800
Of course.

448
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,220
Oh, here we go.

449
00:17:53,220 --> 00:17:54,590
Listen, Robin...
Loretta,

450
00:17:54,590 --> 00:17:57,040
not now. Robin just found out

451
00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:58,710
her mom's not coming
to the wedding.

452
00:18:02,650 --> 00:18:03,880
Oh.

453
00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:05,780
Well, uh, okay.

454
00:18:05,780 --> 00:18:07
Loretta...

455
00:18:07 --> 00:18:08,270
My name's Mom.

456
00:18:08,270 --> 00:18:10,390
Don't you ever call me
anything else.

457
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:11,600
I'm Mom.

458
00:18:11,610 --> 00:18:13,890
Okay.

459
00:18:13,890 --> 00:18:15,090
Mom.

460
00:18:15,090 --> 00:18:17,330
I'm sorry.
Sometimes I get...

461
00:18:18,830 --> 00:18:20,500
...carried away.

462
00:18:23,250 --> 00:18:27,120
Your eggs are great, by the way.

463
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:28,740
<i>Oh, mama,</i>

464
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:30,510
that was some bad advice.

465
00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:31,760
Thanks, Lil.

466
00:18:32,430 --> 00:18:33,240
But you know what sucks?

467
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:34,460
When I was
at the top

468
00:18:34,460 --> 00:18:35,630
of that lighthouse,

469
00:18:35,630 --> 00:18:37,430
despite everything else...

470
00:18:37,430 --> 00:18:40,380
Wow. It's like traveling
back in time.

471
00:18:40,390 --> 00:18:42,520
Just stop talking.

472
00:18:43,860 --> 00:18:45,310
<i>...it was breathtaking.</i>

473
00:18:45,310 --> 00:18:47,590
And I wasted it.

474
00:18:47,590 --> 00:18:49,610
I mean, how many places
have I ruined forever

475
00:18:49,610 --> 00:18:51,530
by being there
with the wrong girl?

476
00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:53,900
So come back
with the right girl.

477
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,780
I don't know.

478
00:18:55,780 --> 00:18:58,070
I'm starting to think a person
gets a certain allotment

479
00:18:58,070 --> 00:19:00,770
of lighthouses per lifetime.

480
00:19:00,770 --> 00:19:03,040
And I've used all mine up.

481
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,880
<i>And that, kids, is the kind</i>
<i>of stupid thing you say</i>

482
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:08,110
<i>before you've met the person</i>
<i>who hits the reset button</i>

483
00:19:08,110 --> 00:19:10,660
<i>on the world,</i>
<i>who makes everything new again,</i>

484
00:19:10,670 --> 00:19:12,080
<i>who makes it seem ridiculous</i>

485
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:14,220
<i>that you ever considered</i>
<i>settling,</i>

486
00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:16,670
<i>because not two years later...</i>

487
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:20,290
Look at that.

488
00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:27,010
It's like traveling
back in time.

489
00:19:27,020 --> 00:19:30,020
That is exactly what I said.

490
00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:32,640
Why couldn't it have been you
here with me two years ago?

491
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:34,900
That's probably
for the best.

492
00:19:34,910 --> 00:19:36,860
When you vomit, I vomit.

493
00:19:36,860 --> 00:19:38,310
You know that.

494
00:19:38,310 --> 00:19:42,700
Well, thanks for being
here with me now.

495
00:19:42,700 --> 00:19:44,480
Thanks for bringing me.

496
00:19:47,750 --> 00:19:49,820
Wow.

497
00:19:49,820 --> 00:19:53,660
It is just
bonkers beautiful here.

498
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:57,490
I don't know how you could
improve on a day like this.

499
00:20:02,300 --> 00:20:04,440
Well, I'm gonna try.

500
00:20:10,980 --> 00:20:12,560
Whoa.

501
00:20:14,450 --> 00:20:15,560
Will you...

502
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:16,480
Yes.

503
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,450
You didn't even let me...

504
00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:19,400
Yes.

505
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:20,680
Marry me?

506
00:20:20,690 --> 00:20:21,820
Yes, yes, yes, yes.

507
00:20:21,820 --> 00:20:24,740
Yes, yes... yes.

508
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:31,410
♪ Just try,
try a little tenderness ♪

509
00:20:31,410 --> 00:20:33,800
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, you got to

510
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,300
♪ Know how to love her, man

511
00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:38,300
♪ Take this advice, man

512
00:20:38,300 --> 00:20:40,550
♪ You got to squeeze her

513
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:42,060
♪ Don't tease her. ♪

514
00:20:50,980 --> 00:20:55,980
== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>

515
00:20:57,690 --> 00:20:59,060
Son of a bitch!